Relationships

There are elements in relationships I can’t deal with properly…

Especially the fact that when I meet someone that I’m attracted to I can’t be myself in front of them, I’m always the person I think they want me to be, or they are looking for… I don’t think none of the people I dated knew the real me, they knew some parts of me that I couldn’t disguised or I knew they would enjoy it, but never the whole truly me… The desire to please everyone it was so much stronger and that’s not necessarily a bad thing, however it can be really negative, when we stop being ourselves to please, to satisfy their wills.

I used to believe I was quite versatile, I could adapt to every person’s taste, please everyone and be loved by everyone… But that was a colossal illusion, they didn’t like me, they liked the person I knew they would like... It’s definitely tough to know that it was all a lie!

I don’t know why I did it, I regretted every time and I still regret it… The truth is that being myself bring too much complication, that person may not like the person I am, and that was just too painful to cope with…

Now, I want to take that risk! It’s harder than I expected, to be in such a vulnerable situation, I like to be in control, even not showing I am… But it’s what I want now, I want to be me, without disguises, without masks, just me.

Only that way I can find true love!!